Since my accident with the table saw, my life has changed dramatically. It is amazing how one split second mistake or decision, can alter your life so drastically. I have always been a bit of a type "A" personality . . . lots of fires going at the same time. Since cutting my hand so badly, I have had to not only cancel my fall sale, but also turn away several jobs. Signs are very popular for Christmas gifts and normally a great way of earning money, but I had to make it known I can't paint any signs until at least mid January. On my last post, I had said I would have the rod in my finger for 6 weeks. When I went in for my 10 day follow-up with my hand surgeon, he decided it needed to be in for 12 weeks instead. Apparently the bone of my ring finger was not just a simple single break, as I had thought, but it was shattered and splintered into several pieces, so it will take longer for the bone fragments to all fuse together. The wounds are healing well, but moving it as well as I would like has been difficult, as there has been a lot of swelling, which makes bending the joints difficult. But I definitely see improvement.
To add insult to injury, I have been dealing with flu bugs and sinus infections. Today, there is a part of me that so wants to conquer projects . . . we are refinancing our home and need it to look good for the appraisal. I have a few little unfinished areas of the floor to finish, molding to finish and of course my hoarders room (my pet name for my studio . . . ) is still a disaster. But my head feels like it weighs 200 pounds and my pillow and quilts keep beckoning me back to them. Through all of this, I have had this sense of guilt. I have come to realize, while being a driven person may be a good attribute, it has gotten a bit out of wack for me . . . to the point I find resting and healing very difficult. So I believe I am being taught a skill I have not willingly wanted to learn . . . the ability to rest. Not just the ability to rest physically, but more importantly the ability to rest in the Lord. To turn my burdens and concerns over to God and just rest in His peace . . . knowing He is in control and I don't have to be. We have quite a bit of stress and drama going on in our family at the moment . . . not things I am wanting to share over cyber space here on the internet, but it is very easy for me to spend my "resting time" instead obsessing about what I can do to fix these problems. But I am realizing, by my NOT resting and instead obsessing, I am not trusting God and, in fact, am being rather arrogant to think I need to be in charge of fixing all that is wrong within my family, instead of handing the reins over to God.
So, knowing the appraisal may be compromised, knowing our finances have been changed dramatically while I am unable to exercise my creativity, and knowing I can not micro-manage the problems and issues in my family, today I am choosing to rest. I am going to give in to the call of my pillow. I have a fever and know I need this. But more importantly, I am going to rest in the Lord. He loves those I love even more than I do (which is so hard for me to comprehend, as I know I love my family immensely). So giving the cares and concerns for them to God, is the best thing I can do. Turning this over isn't easy for me . . . you see, I am a bit of a control freak. I need to always know I have done all I can do to fix things. But this time I need to realize the best thing I can do towards fixing this, is to give it to the Lord.
I have some exciting changes coming in the near future . . . our business is changing and transitioning in new directions. I am so hopeful about the future. But I realize it may have to take a back seat for a bit. My job now is rest.
|I love this painting of a little girl resting in the arms of Jesus.|
I love the thought of resting in His arms.
Dear friend, are you resting in the Lord? Or instead are you trying to be super woman and prove to yourself and the world that you can do it all? God doesn't expect that of you and neither should you. We are all called to do our best, but sometimes, for certain seasons we are simply called to rest. To let go and let God. To get ourselves out of the way so God can freely move in our lives and the lives of those we love. There is no such thing as a perfect wife, a perfect mom, a perfect daughter, a perfect employee, a perfect friend. The only way we can truly be the person we are called to be is to give the wheel of life to God . . . to let him be at the helm. Take refuge . . . take rest. God is in control.